december. 22 . 2023  
	
hi..
it's been a good while since i last wrote..
	
the college exams finally ended! on the 6th, i officially started my vacation!!
		
it was a pretty cool first year of college! despite the fear i experienced due to shyness in group projects, i managed to cope, and i know there are more ahead..
		
i went to the library on november 22nd and couldn't get the book i wanted because they changed the registration process after the june/july break, and since i didn't know, i had to go back on the 24th to register and get "the girl on the train." i didn't like the book, and shortly after, i watched the movie and my opinion is the same as the book.. i didn't like it at all 
໒꒰ྀིっ˕ -｡꒱ྀི১
		
i've already returned it to the library and haven't picked up another one because i was in a hurry that day! i still don't know when i'll go back there because the books i want to read unfortunately aren't there.. :c
i wanted read "the selection" and "the seven husbands of evelyn hugo," but i couldn't find them, and i don't plan on buying them anytime soon.
		
i'm so happy!! finally bought a journal!!! wanted one for a while because i've always wanted to journal with collages! haven't done anything yet because i'm still thinking whether to start now or wait and start next year! think starting next year will be cooler as i'll begin with the new year!
		

	
i wanna decorate the outside, put some bows and lace if i can!
		
also bought a portable sewing machine! saw a video a while ago of a girl making her own clothes and got so eager to learn and make it a healthy hobby to occupy my mind with something enjoyable (similar to journaling). when it arrives, i'll show it here!
		
also bought two new shoes!! i'm so happy!
	

		
this one has such a good chocolatey smell! so beautiful and cute! i've wanted one like this for a while, and seeing it here knowing it's mine makes me so happy!! ♡
		

	
i love this sneaker! so cute and i love these rosy details, absolutely charming and super comfy ♡
		
i made some changes here! i changed the language.. and why? well, to be honest, it's for reasons of feeling more secure in writing about my things.. won't go into details but have reasons, and i'm totally happy to have made this change!
if you are someone who understands fluent english, might find errors or things like that because i don't know 100%, and i've been trying to improve that!
		
as for other personal things, not sure how to write here in a way that doesn't detail too much.. some things are confusing, and while try to ignore and not think too much, part of me says need to act and decide something to avoid ending up in mental stress..
	
some changes will happen next year and i know i'm suffering in anticipation, but it's inevitable for me.. have so many concerns and so many "what if" that it's consuming me and making me extremely anxious.
	
i don't want to leave my comfort zone because i hate that. i hate not feeling comfortable, and i hate having to worry about things that know are inevitable and will happen whether want them or not. only writing about this because i know how distressed i am and how good it feels to write about these things and take off some of the weight that my anxiety makes me carry..
	
december arrived! don't know what to expect from this month, really don't know. i created an expectation that seems not to be going forward, won't be surprised if it's a christmas and new year totally different from what wanted. had thought of so many little things, and now seems like almost everything has fallen through..
		
i don't like write sad things here, so i apologize if sometimes seem a bit disheartened in some parts.. feel that here is the place where can talk about almost everything without feeling bad for expressing myself and without feeling like i bothering someone.

this year has been full of new stuff. i've learned a bunch and found things i like (still got lots to explore, but that comes with time)! i'm happy to feel like i'm getting to know myself better and letting go of certain things! ditching social media was definitely the best of them all!! finally feeling good, and i've realized my life doesn't revolve around it, and i'm not 'weird' for not using them. i'm just being me, doing what makes me feel good and at peace!
	
hoping 2024 brings more learning, and i want to be kinder to myself. finding more things that make me happy and continue getting better at prioritizing my well-being and comfort.♡
	
- with love and warm wishes for a merry christmas and happy new year!! 🎄

	 november. 8 . 2023  
 🎗 ... hii
	
many things happened since the last time i wrote here..
i wanted to write a week ago, but couldn't quite put into words everything i wanted to say and think..
		
well, my birthday passed quickly and was more "chill" than i imagined. thought i'd feel sadder, but actually worried about other stuff and didn't dwell much on what usually makes me a bit down on that day.
the next day, got a little chocolate cake which, despite not eating much, was really good! don't wanna have too many sweets 'cause i know they doesn't sit well for me, but also not restricting myself completely, just finding a balance..
		
the first week of november was really really good, a month's start full of good things.. ♡ learned to make a website like those you put in a social media bio where people can see all your links, etc. it was so cool to see the final result, and that's what i love most about html, css, and javascript.. watching the project come together and seeing the end result is one of those things that makes me all happy and giddy. ♡
	
	

	
	
	
in the end, the result is always worth it, and i'm really happy i found something i truly want to learn more. i know there are harder and more complicated parts, but every bit is a learning experience, and it's impossible to be good at something without making mistakes first!
		
to be honest, i was so absorbed in this little project that i even forgot i'm in college.. urgently need to set up schedules to study what i want and what i need. this is a part of my days where i've been falling short, i'm aware of that, and need to improve..
		
i took care of my plants! switched one to a new pot, and trimmed the other a bit 'cause new little plants were sprouting, and the ones that bloomed were already drying out! could have just removed the dry flowers, but preferred to give the growing baby plants more space. soon, it'll be big and blooming again! now they have a spot where they're safe from the rain and strong wind, and where the sun shines too.
i decorated one of the plant pots with some tiny bows i have.. did it on just one to see if it would turn out the way i wanted, and it looks adorable. 🎀🌼
	

	
the sun said hello again, and for me, it's much nicer to do things. i feel much more energetic and productive. of course, it's a mild sun that doesn't make the day super hot. at night, the temperature drops, and i need to wear socks, but it's a cozy and refreshing chill after a sunny day..♡
today, i cleaned the balcony ꒰ or is it a terrace? ꒱ and for me, there's no better feeling than cleaning things up and leaving everything tidy!! by the end of the week, i'll clean my computer keyboard and set aside some clothes i no longer want to keep 🤍
	
- with love..💖
	
	 october. 27 . 2023  
 👚 ... well
		
this week the sun showed up!! didn't enjoy it as much as i wanted because i had to study for a little test.. but as the south of brazil is kinda bipolar, today dawned cool and rainy, perfect for a friday of movies, games, and a cozy blanket ♡
	
sticking to a little routine has been a bit tough but not so bad because i've managed to keep my mind busy, not thinking too much about other stuff..
i've been watching movies and series/dramas more frequently to also occupy my mind, and while doing something else, i always have a video or a series playing in the background – a habit i've had for years.
		
about college subjects, they're not that interesting to me even though it's in the technology field; i much prefer studying programming..
		
the day before yesterday ꒰ at least i think so ꒱, i found some knitting needles among my mom's stuff and thought about how cool it must be to knit, but i'd hardly manage because it's quite complex, and i've never been good at crafts..
		
i changed the way i update entries here in the diary.. it started bothering me a bit, so now the most recent ones will be at the top and the older ones at the bottom! i also changed the layout, which was originally meant for a new "routine" page i started to create.. but i found the layout so cute that i ended up changing it for the diary ♡
i still plan to make the routine part with a checklist where i can mark the things i did on that day of the week! but i'm not in a hurry, and i don't want to do it without feeling like it..
		
yesterday i went to take the little test, and i went with this outfit!
		

		
the test, overall, wasn't difficult, but since it was a subject i absolutely wasn't interested in, i got a bit tired and came home with a very annoying headache! my brain burned out..
		
with each passing day, my birthday is getting closer, and i'm getting a bit sadder, just waiting for it to come and go quickly.. i'm not excited at all for this birthday because i know it's going to be tougher than the others.. and i don't want to think too much or write about it ╰╭╮╯
		
now i'm going to do the things i have to do, take a warm shower, and cozy up quietly in my room ♡
- take care.. 💕

	
	 october . 22 . 2023  
 🥛 ... came here to write real quick before sunday ends!
	
today my parents and i had lunch at my uncle's house. it was a quick lunch, but it was nice to get out for a bit, even though i spent most of the time quietly in a corner..
		
planned my little weekly routine and intend to focus on it and on myself! this week, i have a little college test, so i need to catch up on my studies! maybe i'll create a special corner here just for the routine.. not sure yet
		
took a warm shower just now to sleep, and it's one of the best feelings to go to bed clean and comfortable..!
		
cut the ends of my hair like i planned, and it turned out great! didn't cut more because of fear and because i want my hair to be reeaally long, like it was years ago.. one of my biggest mistakes was cutting my hair on a whim..
		
hope i have the energy and desire for this little week!!
		
- kisses 💕

	 october. 19 . 2023  
 💝 ... hii
my phone arrived, and i found it so cute; it's bigger than my old one, so i still have to adapt!
	
well, the weather is still a bit chilly, and i only think about sun, sun, and sun  miss a little sunshine.. my plants are also begging for a warmer day, poor things.. 🌷 speaking of them, i had to move them all because in the environment they were before, they were in danger due to little creatures! they're not 100% protected now, but much better than before.. i haven't been giving them much attention lately, but i plan to start taking care of them like before!
		
i did some waves in my hair these days! i have a satin cap, so some nights i sleep with it, and on the day i did the waves, i washed my hair, and after drying, it looked beautiful! i thought, "i'm not going to sleep without the cap; it looks so nice!" so when i went to bed, i made a bun and put on the cap.. obviously, when i woke up and took off the cap, my hair had waves, and i thought it was the cutest thing, too bad i couldn't take pictures, or else i would have put them here! and they lasted a long time! tomorrow i'm going to wash it and trim the ends..!	
		
i also cleaned the foam of my headset! i was so afraid i wouldn't be able to take it off to clean, but everything went well, and now the foam has a super good smell and is very clean!
		
🛏 last night, i cleaned my room and put a warm little rug on the floor! i also added a yellow light to create a cozier atmosphere in this chilly weather ♡♡ i also added a rule for myself not to enter the room with shoes to avoid dirtying the rug u.u so far, i've been following this rule very well!
		
i'm going to plan a little routine and try to follow it; i always plan but never manage to follow for a whole week! i have a few things in mind, and i hope to have the motivation and discipline to try ♡ i have some things to study, and i want to create a routine for each thing, each in its own time, so i don't get lost when studying!
		
i started the decades challenge in the sims 4, and so far, it has really been a challenge, and my couple decided to only have girls, and no boys came!! but that's okay..
		
- with love.. 💕

	 october . 13 . 2023  
 🧸 ... hii
	
the days have been quite strange, one day it rains the entire day, and the next day it's a scorching 30°!! i prefer a neutral day, not too cold but also not too hot, but i think lately you can't choose much because of everything happening with nature..
		today, the day woke up quite chilly and rainy, and i hope it passes soon because my skin suffers a lot when the weather is like this due to the hot showers, and my fingers are naturally cold, so when it gets cold, if i don't take care properly, they get a bit sore..
		
finished "extraordinary attorney woo," and this drama became one of my favorites!! i also started "good morning call," and i haven't finished it yet, but i already added it to my favorites list!! i'm loooving watching..!!
		
this month is my birthday month..🍰 i never get excited about it; i always get very downcast and teary, it's a mix of feelings. i don't know why i get so sad on this day that we usually feel happy and excited.. i understand that completing another year of life is, in a way, an achievement, but i don't like getting older, and for now, i have a sad view of birthdays (only mine). when i was a child, i used to get excited, but i don't have many memories of that day that should be special.. i remember having a birthday party where i got my first barbie, and i was genuinely excited! i also remember a surprise party my parents planned for me, and even though this may sound ignorant and seem like i was ungrateful, i couldn't genuinely smile..
		
i had friends, my parents, and a few not-so-well-known people. i received little gifts, hugs, and attention, but i didn't feel genuine happiness, and it may have been because i don't like being the center of attention and felt very uncomfortable.. i think i don't like surprise parties. i thank my parents for the surprise and appreciate everything they did for me!! but if possible, i prefer never to have a surprise party again not to feel so embarrassed..
		
my phone officially died!!! it's been a while since it was at the end of its life, poor thing... but i wanted it to last a little longer until my new phone arrived.. i didn't get desperate because i use the computer more, and before it really turned off, i formatted it, so it only had a few apps! but i wanted to at least back it up to transfer to the next phone :(
		
i started playing my fluffy life again! it's so good to buy clothes, decorations, etc.. yesterday i managed to buy a new, beautiful bed, and i'm anxious to buy more furniture for my little house! 🏠
	

		
i also returned to playing the sims 4! and want to try the "decades challenge". i'll try to do everything right because i've never done a challenge in the sims, and i think it could be a cool experience.. hmm, i've also enjoyed playing house flipper! bought it a few days ago, and i really liked it too!!
		
and since i'm talking about games, i've been so lazy to play genshin, my last two wishes were terrible and discouraged me a bit, but i'll be back soon!
		
- stay safe.. 💕

	
	 october . 11 . 2023  
 🖇... finally, i managed to create this page! i've been thinking about it for a while and didn't want to try because i didn't want to do it in a rushed or lazy way..
	
i even tried on tumblr and blogspot, but it never looked the way i wanted despite being super cute. so yesterday, i took some time to do it, and i got so excited when everything started to take shape just the way i had wanted for a long time!! i did some tests and learned how to change/adjust and also add certain things and tools that i thought would look good!
		
i'm so happy with this little space where i can write and keep it tucked away in this beautiful little corner..
		
- 💕